Seeking balance

copper seas, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

“The weight of this sad time we must obey,
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.
The oldest have borne most; we that are young
Shall never see so much, nor live so long.”

Tonight my thoughts are scattered across the world, fluttering like prayer flags on a constant wind of sad news.

I am thinking of the people of Burma, and of the waterways slowly draining. The footage I glimpsed on the late-night news is burned into memory - riverbanks lined with the bodies of loved ones, entire families swept away. I am pained by reports of the Burmese government’s slow response, and the inability of the international community to reach those in need. This seems to be a lesson we are going to have to learn several times over, and I can’t bring myself to work on the Gulf Coast documentary tonight. Instead, the BBC has an interesting article about mangrove deforestation, and increased risk faced by the residents of the Burmese coastline - the studies regarding the impact of mangrove ecosystem health on the survival of Sri Lankan communities during the Asian tsunami disaster are of particular value.

I am thinking of the people of Central China, of Chengdu. In a region where earthquakes of such magnitude are rare, the damage is bound to be infinitely worse than in places somewhat more prepared for the movement of the earth. And yet, here I sit, on the shoulders of the San Andreas, waiting for “The Big One”, knowing that I and my loved ones are not likely to escape unscathed. The audio of an NPR correspondent reacting to the “undulating” earth shook me to my core - the news of 900 students trapped in a collapsed school broke my heart. By all accounts, the government of China is stepping in with great momentum, mobilizing extensive resources, but I worry that in the days to come the news will become much more grim. NPR had already begun a “Chengdu Diary” before the quake, having sent several people there to report ahead of the olympics - expect frequent and insightful updates, as well as information on donating to relief efforts.

I am saddened too, by the news of ferocious tornadoes demolishing entire communities here in the United States, and am alarmed by the emerging information about chat piles and lead dust contamination in Picher, Okla. - acknowledging that the town is a superfund site is one thing - (I know, I’ve lived on one) - the limited understanding of just how dangerously and how far the contaminants dispersed by the storms might extend is apalling. Can we learn the hard way? Or more importantly, WILL we?

I am starting to think of Mother Earth as an intricate and elegant machine, gradually coming unhinged. Rather than continuing to evolve, as she was meant to (per the momentum of the Big Bang), she has been forced out of balance by the enormous footprints of our fragile and stubbornly inventive species. These natural disasters, taken each by themselves are by no means “our fault”, however, when viewed as balances to our checks (overdrawn, fraudulent, irresponsible) this may just be how things have to be until we evolve a bit further, hopefully changing our ways and minimizing the degree of suffering that such natural events will inevitably bring.

Meanwhile, I will be setting aside some of my next paycheck to invest in my 72 Hours kit…

form unimagined

CarmelOrchidSociety_04, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

floating a few ideas about opening an online shop to sell prints and photo books…

Things I’m considering having tattooed on my forehead

• “I don’t know, and I’m okay with that.”
• “What’s right for you is not right for me.”
• “More coffee please!”
• “The world is always ending, get used to it.”
• “Yes, this hurt.”
• “If you can read this and I’m on a bicycle, you’re in my way.”  (I have a big forehead, it would fit.)
• “Not smarter than a 5th grader.”
• “Will _____ for sushi.”
• “Yes, I am a commie pinko liberal.”

Any other suggestions?  I think that any one of these might clear up the confusion surrounding human interaction on days like these.  Maybe I’d be better off with one of those LED scrolling marquees…

Re-wiring for improved function

some lone dove…, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

All weekend I couldn’t figure out what was dragging me down. A few hours of activity, and I was exhausted. I would eat and not feel full. Then this morning, I woke woozy and nauseous; by the time I made it out of bed to shower and have breakfast, I was ready for a nap.

Today moved like molasses, and I seem to only be operating with about an hour’s worth of energy at a time. Then back to bed, quickly asleep.

I should have known better though - this has all of the classic signs of anemia, and I’ve been prone to it before. Usually associated with an illness that puts me off of food, and sometimes associated with being a woman, I have difficulty maintaining ideal iron levels in my blood.

Sure enough, thinking back on the past week of food, while it has been relatively lean and fresh, it has not been rich in Heme Iron, and I have been consuming my fair share of coffee and red wine, both of which impair iron absorption.

So tonight it will be lentils and rice, maybe with some turkey from the endless supply in the freezer. Also, tonight will be the re-inception of my Daily Health & Wellness Journal:

(From the Who/Why/What page) I am a 20-something (curvy, athletic) woman trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle and positive self-esteem. I have found through past experiences that writing down my eating and exercise habits helps me to adhere to a more diligent pursuit of overall wellness.

I do not own a scale, and so my progress is measured in how I feel, how my clothes fit, and hopefully if I can get up the nerve, visually through self-portraits.

I have no ultimate goal, and am aiming more to develop good long-term habits. There are no absolutes and absolutely no deprivations in my “diet”, and rather, I seek to learn new ways to cook healthy foods and keep my taste-buds entertained.

The rules:

- no counting calories - estimating, yes. itemizing, no.

- no scales, except in doctor’s offices

- no guilt. i will fluctuate, i will lose some, often plateau, and occasionally gain some because sometimes it is necessary to spend entire weekends living on toast and ice cream.

mostly i will adjust my outlook and my lifestyle in a gradual and healthy way, seeking a good balance between wellness and enjoying the good life.

new information, insight, support (and critique) are all always welcome.

happy high-flying Monday

And just like that, my dream of running off to circus school is reignited…

(thanks mo, made my day!)

***gold star to anyone who can guess which summer-fluff tv show I am anxiously anticipating!

just a passing present moment

just a passing present moment, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

May Day! May Day!

mayday, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

It has been difficult lately to find much to love about my country. The shine of an energized election has been quickly dulled by in-fighting and a near-complete avoidance of real issues. The cost of fuel has risen so far so quickly that now B.’s wee little Ford Escort costs over $50 to fill up. The cost of food is climbing too, and while my beloved farmer’s market still carries a tab of $1 per leafy bunch of seasonal produce, I am starting to look at my cupboards wondering if I really should be stockpiling.

Oh, and there have been a smattering of earthquakes, tornadoes, fires, and here in California we had one whole day of rain in the entire month of April - water-rationing has already begun in a few communities, and the dry grassy hillsides have already gone to seed. It seems that fire season and earthquake weather might do more than overlap this year. And please, don’t even mention the closure of salmon season, my poor heart can’t take it.

So it is gratifying to see the marches taking place today. Something is right with the world when people are able to take to the streets and be heard, particularly through the din of the latest pop-princess/sports scandal “news”.  Today is a national day of protest that I hope will be peaceful and poignant. From SFGate.com:

In the San Francisco Bay Area and across the country, May Day is expected to be a day of protests - for an end to the war in Iraq, against education budget cuts and, above all, in favor of legalization for undocumented immigrants.

Dockworkers with the International Longshoremen and Warehouseman’s Union are walking off the job today at ports up and down the West Coast calling for an end to the war.

Students at San Francisco State University, UC Berkeley and other college campuses planned walk outs and teach ins on the state’s proposed cuts to education spending.

And in San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose and other cities in California and across the country, immigrant rights advocates are taking to the streets.

…

Immigrant advocates meanwhile said today’s marches could help Americans understand the human impact of strict enforcement and an immigration system that provides few legal avenues for low-skilled workers to take jobs in the United States.

“In the 2006 mobilizations, you saw the people whose lives were being affected,” said Arnoldo Garcia, of the National Network for Immigrant and Refugee Rights, also in Oakland. “They have a human face, they have families. They’re here, they’re part of the community. In California, one in four people, including Gov. Schwarzenegger, is an immigrant. Anything you do to that one fourth, it’s going to affect the other three fourths.”

it was a long week…

it was a long week…, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

…time for a nap.

(you’d think she spent all week working really hard and not getting much sleep and staring at computer screens for 16 hours a day…)

Sneak Peek

This is a fine rough cut, or a rough fine cut - the bulk of assembly has happened in the past 48 hours, and it shows tomorrow night as part of a performance piece. It is likely to become a larger (more polished) piece over the course of the summer…

Ew

You know it’s going to be a long day when the first footage in the queue for processing is of decomposing rats (in high-definition timelapse) and maggots squirming through the remains.

Suddenly a mid-morning snack doesn’t really sound all that appealing anymore…