embroiled
cold spring, originally uploaded by A.p.K.
i think friday the 13th gets all the press, when it’s monday the 13th that is the real humdinger…
- today i was notified that my annual health insurance premium has gone up to rates i simply can’t afford. done deal, i’m about to be uninsured.
- after a long weekend of trying-to-not-mull-it-over, i went into work and found my fears confirmed; things are indeed falling apart at the seams and the high degree of dysfunctionality in our small office may very well have already sunk the ship
- those two things in mind, i should start job hunting – a chore i NEVER enjoy, not even when times are good. now? ugh. the listings make me want to cry…i can’t even stand the thought of interviewing for all of those jobs that i don’t really want.
- taxes? oops. my bad. better late than never?
- everyone else is on spring break (or just was, is just about to be) and i’m not. phooey.
- kids. kids. kids! everywhere i look! kids! why do i want them? why can’t i have them? why do i find myself filling up with bitter jealousy when my friends pass along on that path? i have come to the realization that the odds are not in my favor. not if i remain responsible and thoughtful about the whole thing. and this DOES bring me to tears if i’m not careful…triple dog damnit.
so there you have it. complete and utter dissatisfaction with my lovely life. i have so much to be grateful for, and yet some of the biggest pieces of the puzzle are either MIA or about to be thrown into serious doubt on the road ahead.
i’m in the mood for rain. and wine. lots of wine. g’night.
Filed under: :: notes on being human ::, grab bag babble, photography | 3 Comments
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Oh crappity crappity crap. I’m so sorry that you might be having to look for work. I know how awful that is and I’m still scared that the great job I landed will vaporize! It is so demoralizing looking for work. What I wish I had done more of while going through that is spending time in the garden. Please do take breaks to go outside and nudge some plants along. It is so therapeutic!
As for the babies…I always resent people who have babies already and are pining for more of them when so many wonderful people I know who want children are still without them. Where is the balance? I can only say that I do understand the strong instinctual desire to have a baby and I hope with all my hearth that the universe arranges itself in such a way that this becomes possible for you.
In the meantime…lots of wine and rain sounds good to me too.
Oh shit, that was left by me- Angelina. I don’t know why my username for the new blog is showing up. Wonky.
Aw…thank you for your kind insightful words! For now, the job dilemma seems to have been resolved – and a raise secured, no less! – but the baby thing…ah…babies…
When I was wallowing in my misery Monday evening, my better half asked what he could do to make me feel better…I very nearly blurted out “knock me up and bring home the bacon!!!” but I held my tongue…all good things in good time, I hope!