To quote from today’s Jon Carroll column:

Driving is a carnival of idiocy. We all get behind the wheels of these metal behemoths; we all suffer from the illusion that we are controlling them with only the lightest of touches on the steering wheel and the brake. Really, it’s a set of sophisticated hydraulic systems that allow us this ease of use, this sense of comfort and safety. We’ve been given the keys to an untrained pit bull, and we don’t really understand it.

I find the automobile to be at fault for so many things in today’s mechanized modern society, I don’t even know where to begin.  Pollution?  Check.  High rate of horrible, accidental deaths?  Check.  Communities that are designed around the needs of the car rather than the fundamental needs of the human?  Check.

I don’t drive because I don’t have to.  I am lucky to live in a place where the mass transit is passable, the bike paths plentiful, and the weather moderate enough most of the year to allow me the pleasures of walking and riding my bike to my daily activities.  I carpool, I accept the occasional lift from a friend, but I have no desire to be behind the wheel.

Was that a collective *gasp* I heard?  I’m used to it.  I have been harassed for years about my resistance to driving.  I understand that to many, owning and operating a car is akin to a birthright, particularly in this country.    However, with alternative options available, I fail to see how the minor benefits of driving could outweigh the major costs to me, both financially and in terms of mental and physical health.

Cars make people crazy - Carroll’s column touches upon the strange cult of invincibility that most drivers subscribe to, and I have seen first-hand the damages that can result from such recklessness.  When I am riding my bicycle, I am keenly aware of all of the commuters in their “cages on wheels”, impatient and distracted while they man the controls of an accelerating machine capable of killing me with one slight swerve.

As a photographer and wanton traveler, I understand the freedom gained by having a set of wheels, but I also appreciate moving at a slightly slower pace, able to hear, see, and smell more of the world through which I am moving.  Greetings are exchanged with other cyclists and pedestrians - never underestimate the power of a kindly stranger’s “good-morning!” to turn-around the day - and there is a sense of community in the interaction for which cars can offer no substitute.

Above all, I’m pretty certain that I would be a terrible driver anywhere but on a racetrack - I am busily scanning the world around me, craning my head to watch a hawk pass overhead or to peer up an alleyway at the figures gathered there, and I make an excellent navigator because I am always looking at the details.  I am not, however, the least bit confident that I could get behind the wheel without killing somebody else or myself.  The underlying reason for this premonition will have to wait for Part 2…

Dear San Francisco,

You are a city of love and hope while the rest of the world goes mad. Even when wrapped in deep layers of fog, I never doubt that you are there, with your maze of quirky streets and endlessly eclectic people, ready to put their hearts and minds into the next challenge to come along. You are a jewel set in the crown of Bay Area wildernesses and communities, where anything is possible and anyone can find acceptance.

Even while wandering the streets of New York and Paris, I knew you would always be home. Nurtured by your rich cultural pageantry, I am glad to be a citizen of the world at large, and I know that whenever I return to your steep streets lined with painted-ladies, and your skyline sparkling on the bay, it will feel as though I never left.

Always,
A.

I need your help, if any of you dear readers have the time for one more blog in your day - I am struggling with sticking to my wellness plan, and am attempting to start from scratch (again!) with a more determined plan this time.

I am also open to making it a blog with a few other contributors - if any of you share similar health and wellness goals and would like a place to dedicated to finding a way to make it all work, or if you have already found a great routine and lifestyle that works for you, your contributions may have even more to offer in encouragement and information.

–noun

1. the one song that for a time resonates so well with one’s emotional state that it must be played on repeat, preferably at the ideal volume for lip-synching with headphones on.  It is often hummed in bits and pieces throughout the day, and is useful background music for fits of creativity.

2. lately, ‘Psychobabble’ by Frou Frou

3. yours?

It was a near-perfect weekend. After the challenges of Friday night, the Saturday qualifying races were valuable just in seeing the car run as a masterfully crafted semblance of one piece. It was a lucky thing that the damages had only been cosmetic, and being a quietly determined man, the driver was able to land the third spot on the starting grid for the Sunday races.

Sunday the morning warm-up was used wisely, taking the time to really feel the car run and to focus the driver. Many of the other participants at the track marveled that our team had rebounded so quickly, and how well the repairs had been done considering the minimal resources at our modest camp in the paddock. Other teams had monstrous air-conditioned trailers and shiny well-sponsored tool-chests, and some of their cars did not do as well - it is a special thing to see so much skill and teamwork come together and get the car running again, to give the driver the best possible chance at making a speedy and safe finish in his race.

Well, he ended up taking first place in his class. The two cars on the grid ahead of him were more powerful and driven by men with a few more years experience, but due to one and then the next driver suffering mechanical setbacks, our smooth-running Sauber ran his best-times at that track and easily held the lead to the end.

We stretched out the drive home a little more than originally planned - it was a very long weekend, with early mornings and hot days and late nights - and I think some of the relief of having overcome so much in so short a time made us all want to take things at a slower pace.  I am too tired to make much sense of this messy apartment or the whole question of dinner tonight and unpacking and sleeping and waking up and going to work tomorrow.

…I am, however, consoled by the knowledge that there’s always energy and focus for photos…

a few gentle reminders…, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

I thought I had a lot of things to say about my long but beautiful day at the track, but really, in the end, it’s all about the people who were there and their great sense of community, not to mention the amazing work of the teams who keep the cars running and the drivers safe.

Our car and driver got squeezed to the wall during the last run of the day - he may have been driving too aggressively, the other driver may have been careless and not checking his mirrors, either way, the driver is fine and the crew stayed until well after sunset to get the car pieced back together and ready for tomorrow.

Did I mention that there were free (huge!) bowls of fresh strawberry shortcake to be had at lunchtime? This place is wonderful…

How do you do it?

Crossing the state line from California into endless healthy emerald green forests and charming towns full of friendly people, good food, outdoor sporting opportunities, cyclists cruising through the dusky summer streets, rivers winding through nearly every downtown, even the agricultural landscape looks altogether natural and well-manicured with not a scrap of litter to be seen along the highway - I am enthralled.  Does this state operate with a budget in the black?  Are the schools funded better than the prisons?  As a Californian considering a change of home base, these things are important to me and for some reason I suspect that Oregon has it’s act together on most counts.

Are you accepting citizenship applications?  If not, you should be - don’t let a whole bunch of yahoos like me spoil your state - California has for too long been experiencing population growth that has outpaced infrastructure, and we are feeling the pain.  Would you mind if I came back for a longer stay sometime - there seems to be so much to see and do here, I know this weekend won’t be enough.  Eugene was a funky and mellow town, and I’m thinking that I might want to pursue my next degree as a duck.  I’ve only seen the edges of Portland so far, but I am excited to have an opportunity to explore it in a few days - any recommendations from those familiar with this city?

Many thanks,

A.

originally uploaded by A.p.K.

Barely home from camping on the gorgeous Sonoma Coast, here for just two days then back on the road, this time to Portland with the race crew. Must be summer!

unbound, but briefly, originally uploaded by A.p.K.

Hovering on the wind as the fog rolled in, two crows untethered in tandem from the gravity of the mountains and sea below - I watched them with longing as the mist blew in thick and the wind lifted the two of them apart, one falling along the breeze to the bay, the other slipping to the open horizon of the sea.

“Twenty-seven years old. Impossible. Seems like only yesterday you were in kindergarten.”

The opening line of my father’s email this morning - how much time has passed, and emotional distance traveled in this journey of meeting in the middle! - an allusion to feelings, which were once forbidden between us, I think somewhere between the lines I may even be able to discern a note or two of pride. I am thoughtful about what I want to tell him and I find myself being optimistic and honest about both my weaknesses and strengths at this stage in life.

Yesterday afternoon at my mother’s, grateful for every little detail of her humble hospitality, and even more grateful for how much more like her I have become over the years - comparison is actually a compliment, and as her reflection I have to say I feel pretty special.

This evening spent in comfortable quiet with B., who I can’t quite talk about honestly without tearing up - I am daily reminded of how I truly am “the luckiest girl in the world”…

The mid-twenties phase of life has been one long limbo, while I tried to find my footing in the world, accepting “me” rather than only “who I want to be”. Life requires so much more compromise than I thought it did ten years ago, and I feel powerless in the face of so many things. I know more than I did then, but I am keenly aware of how infinitely more there is to learn - and miracle of miracles, I am still hungry for it in-between big bites of hard-earned-reality.

If I could wrap up this feeling and steal a taste of it every day or so, I think I might still burst open. Best to get buried in the work of living…

~ a very happy birthday indeed - thank you for all of the wonderful wishes! maybe next year I’ll have a party! ; ) ~

Via Unconscious Mutterings

I say … and you think … ?

1. Notification :: announcement
2. Cheat :: lose
3. Top Ten:: stupid countdown shows on TV (last night is was “Top Ten Most Memorable 911 Calls”)
4. Draft :: rewrite
5. Unbelievable :: astounding
6. Cheap :: Made in China
7. Spontaneous :: combustion
8. Harass :: annoy
9. Lipstick :: war paint
10. Transpire :: unfold